Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Sidney Crosby

Sidney Crosby, apparantly, is the greatest hockey player ever. Well, maybe since Wayne Gretzky.

How do I know so? Because NBC and ESPN told me so. I'll give credit to NBC - at least they show hockey games. Outside of their daily exaltations to Sidney Crosby, ESPN dedicates 15 seconds to hockey every other Wednesday by allowing Barry Melrose to remind people which cities still have hockey teams.

Gary Bettman said it himself. "Sidney Crosby saved hockey from imminent demise. Without the Penguins in Pittsburgh, the space time continuium would have collapsed and we would have all met our maker."

This is absolutely ridiculous. First of all - hockey has not been saved. I love hockey, but it's not popular in the United States. Americans love hockey as much as the Brits love dentists.

So I got to snooping around on the Internet. What other ludicous things are sports writers saying about Sidney Crosby? Here's what I found:

Here's an article I found on Yahoo Sports:

By Dell PoiraL, AP Hockey Writer 11 hours, 41 minutes ago
NEW YORK (AP)—Evgeni Malkin looked every bit like an MVP at MSG and pushed the Pittsburgh Penguins to the brink of the Eastern Conference finals. Only hours after Malkin was announced as a Hart Trophy finalist, the second-year forward showed why.

He scored two power-play goals and added an assist in the Penguins’ 5-3 victory over the New York Rangers on Tuesday night that gave Pittsburgh a 3-0 lead in the series.

"I’m definitely proud of him," said captain Sidney Crosby, last year’s Hart winner. "As a teammate, you always want to see other guys do well. He did that all season. It was a great accomplishment. But I cannot believe that the official scorers attributed the goals to him and not me."

Apparently, this comment has led the league to review its policy on how it credits goals in games. Based on current rules, Crosby was not credited with any goals last night.

NHL spokesman Craig Rothscover said, "We are looking into ways to credit more goals to Sidney Crosby since he is the greatest hockey player of all time. NBC and ESPN will agree with that statement."

Some suggestions presented by the NHL include crediting goals to Crosby when he is on the ice when a goal is scored, regardless of which team scores the goal.

However, this leaves officials in a quandary with how to attribute goals to Crosby when he is not on the ice. An anonymous source said that the league is also considering giving Crosby credit for goals scored if he cheers while on the bench.

The most radical suggestion, by far, but certainly a fan and media favorite, is to credit Crosby with any goal scored, regardless of the teams that are playing. If this rule would have been in place last night, not only would have the young superstar scored 5 goals for the Penguins, but also the 3 scored the Rangers, and the combined 10 goals scored by San Jose, Dallas, Detroit, and Colorado.

According to Barry Melrose of ESPN, "This is a win-win for hockey, the media, and hockey."

Other things that I found:

Game 1 against Ottawa - Crosby led the Penguins to a victory over the Senators. Oh, and by the way, Gary Roberts had 2 goals. (Crosby's stats line - 0 Goals, 0 Assists, +/- 0). What a hero!

Crosby already leads other candidates for the 08-09 MVP trophie. The season starts in October.

After Sidney Crosby leads the Penguins to victory in the Stanley Cup Championship, he will then refocus his powers during the off season to end the war in Iraq, eradicate cancer and diabetes, raise New Orleans above sea level, end poverty, and defeat Snidely Whiplash once and for all.

Sidney Crosby announced today that they way to end Global Warming will be to have more people watch him play hockey on the ice. Ice is cold, so cold will make things less warm, thus ending global warming.


According to my good friend "George" (who pretends to be a quasi-British subject and a Republican despite matching more closely with Hillary Clinton in every political compatibility quiz), ABC News reported that scientists have discovered that Sidney Crosby went back in time and constructed the pyramids in Egypt. The team of scientists translated a newly discovered plate of hierogliphics that say, "Sidney Crosby, the God of Ice, constructed these pyramids while serving a 2 minute minor for slashing."

From Yahoo Sports in March:

Sidney Crosby leads the league in goals scored with 24. Close behind him are Alexander Ovechkin with 65, Illya Kovalchuck with 52, and teammate Evgeni Malkin with 50.

Def Leppard Rises Again

If you didn't watch Ellen or Dancing With the Stars yesterday, you missed a real treat. Def Leppard was on both shows.

Normally I couldn't give a crap what was on those shows. So, yes, I was the dork at the gym watching Ellen while riding the upright bike.

My wife emailed me in the morning to let me know that they would be on Ellen at 3pm. Soon thereafter, I got an email from one of the guys that works at the gym here at work asking a bunch of us if we'd be interested in taking the afternoon bootcamp class, which was going to be outside. A funny email conversation took place:

From: Kyle
Sent: Tuesday, April 29, 2008 10:14 AM
To: All the Cool People At the Gym
Subject: Cardio Bootcamp
Hey everybody I have room left in class if you are interested. It starts at 12:15 and if the weather holds up we will probably go outside. Let me know!
Kyle

From: Eludius
Sent: Tuesday, April 29, 2008 10:23 AM
To: Kyle & all the Cool People at the Gym

Subject: RE: Cardio Bootcamp
Kyle - weather.com says it feels like it's 45 degrees outside. Though I appreciate the offer, I also noticed that Def Leppard will be on Ellen at 3 o'clock. So between being cold and having stomach cramps or chillin' on the cardio machine and watching the best 80's hair band of all time, I think you know where I'll be.


From: Brad
Sent: Tuesday, April 29, 2008 10:23 AM

To: Kyle & all the Cool People at the Gym
Subject: RE: Cardio Bootcamp

Def Leppard is proof that you don't have to have 2 arms to have big hair.

Funny stuff!

Anyway, the performance on Ellen was admirable. They sang Hysteria off of the album of the same name. Definitely not lip-synched or piped in. They showed their age and the song was a little raspy, but still entertaining.

I only saw about 35 minutes of Dancing With the Stars, but I did see them perform Pour Some Sugar On Me. It sounded great, but unfortunately the music and lyrics were directly off of the Hysteria album. Totally lip-synched. I guess more was at stake on prime time television.

The second song was off of their new album Songs from the Sparkle Lounge. Not a bad song. I might even buy this one. This one sounded live. More raspy (again). Def Leppard frontman Joe Elliott was still rockin', though.

And for my vegan friends, you'll be happy to know that he's a vegatarian. I can hear him singing now, "Pour some soy cheese on me!"

It was nice, however, to follow up with some Def Leppard after hearing the idiots from American Idol totally destroy Neil Diamond's songs, who, by the way, is also touring this year!

Monday, April 28, 2008

MISL Champions - Baltimore Blast

Does anyone remember that we have a major indoor soccer team? Yes! The Baltimore Blast won the MISL Championship over the weekend, the 4th title this decade.

The Blast won the championships in 2003, 2004, 2006, and now 2008!

This year they defeated the Monterrey La Raza, this after defeating the Milwaukee Wave in the quarterfinals and the New Jersey Ironmen in the semifinals.

Congratulations, Baltimore Blast!

The Exploitation of Miley Cyrus

One of the industry's most renowned photographers, Annie Leibovitz, is working diligently with Vanity Fair magazine to do their best to trash Miley Cyrus' image.

Cyrus, the star of Disney's hit show Hannah Montana, is apologizing for the pictures and says that the is embarrassed by them. Spokesmen for Vanity Fair are defending their position of showing a partially nude underaged child by saying that she reviewed the photos and liked them.

This is just great. Vanity Fair is exploiting a 15 year old child to sell magazines by showing racy pictures of the minor and pretending that they are artistic. Shame on Billy Ray and Mrs. Montana for allowing this to happen. But when was it acceptable to publish scandalous photos of a minor when the minor thought it was okay? But especially shame on Vanity Fair and Leibovitz for even thinking it was a good idea to show a suggestive and partially nude high school girl in between the sheets of a bed. What the F are they thinking???

There is already such a dearth of respectable young girls in Hollywood and these shameless scoundrels with morals as low as Martin O'Malley are trying to knock them off one at a time just to make a buck. They already helped destroy Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears. Let's leave the rest of the children alone!!!

Friday, April 25, 2008

O'Malley Sings New Bills

Yes, you read that correct. I love a good oops in the news. According to WBAL.com, Martin O'Malley will be singing his new bills. Whether or not his singing of the bills actually means that they will become law is unclear at the moment.


If O'Malley does sing the bills and promise to sing all future bills, I would even vote for him for a second term.
Note the first paragraph in the teaser. "Governor O'Malley is singing a series of environmental bills..."


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Profits and Losses

Airlines Delta and Northwest announced a combined $10.5 billion loss this quarter. They claim that their losses stem from dramatically rising fuel prices. The struggling airlines are hoping mergers will be approved and they can lay off thousands of workers to help ease costs. Meanwhile, the airlines are being forced to pass on the quickly rising fuel costs on to its consumers.

In related news, Exxon announced that earned $11.7 billion in profit this quarter, smashing all previous quarterly records. The company claims that their profit has little to do with gas prices climbing nearly 25 cents a week, though they say with a big fat smile that it sure doesn't hurt the bottom line.

Happy Birthday JB!

As we all sit at our desk working off our Earth Day hangovers, let's not forget to celebrate the 217th birthday of our 15th President, James Buchanan, Jr. He was born in Pennsylvania, the state where Hillary Clinton kicked Obama's ass.

This is the state that Obama says that white blue-collared working people cling to their religion and their guns because they are so miserable. I take that to mean that if we elect Obama, we won't be miserable and we can get rid of our guns and religion. But I digress.



During the War of 1812 (which started in the year 1812), Buchanan was assigned to a dragoon unit to help defend the great city of Baltimore.

Buchanan has the distinction of being a President who was nominated by his party, though he never ran for the position. Buchanan defeated the first-ever Republican candidate, John C. Fremont. Fortunately, a fairly popular Republican ran after him...Abraham Lincoln.

Buchanan had the lovely pleasure of dealing with Supreme Court Justice Roger B. Taney, who was from Maryland. Justice Taney wrote the Dread Scott Decision, which stated that people of African decent could never be citizens of the United States, could never vote, and that the U.S. Congress had no jurisdiction to outlaw slavery. Yeah, that guy was wrong and fortunately he died and the Thirteenth and Fourteenth Amendments came along.

Okay, I know you wondering - the Thirteenth Amendment abolished slavery and the Fourteenth Amendment guaranteed the right to vote regardless of race.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

My Earth Day List

Today is Earth Day. And because it is Earth Day, I promise to do the following things:

1) not to sit and idle in traffic. Instead I will drive over any hybrid cars that driving under the speed limit with my SUV so that we can hurry up and get out of the congested city
2) not criticize liberals who drive around in SUV's and corporate jets
3) not criticize liberal school systems for not have recycling programs in their cafeterias
4) not cut down any invasive maple and willow trees growing behind my house despite the fact that they are destroying the watershed and will eventually lead to the collapse of the berm that maintains the storm management system
5) not to kill snake head fish that were introduced into our ecosystem by irresponsible people who maintain illegal trade relationships with communist China
6) not to shoot any of the 150 deer than now roam my neighborhood every evening and morning eating our expensive indigenous vegetation that we planted
7) not holler at the hypocrite with the Obama sticker on his bumper while he is smoking with his kids in the car
8) not to eat 2 organic yogurts for lunch in the down-sized unrecyclable wide-mouthed packages that are now too small for an adult to eat and be satisfied.
9) not holler at vegetarian celebrities with their $1000 Prada leather handbag.
10) buy at least one organic product at the grocery store despite the fact that it costs 3 times as much as the regular product (I will forgo feeding my children today to make up for the difference)
11) will turn off my heating/AC this evening and open the windows, despite the fact that teenagers will be ripping down the street in their crappy Honda Civics with those stupid phat mufflers and keep me awake all night
12) not send my children to school because they would be exposed to diesel fumes from the bus and the school has a climate controlled system that prevents clean air from being circulated in the building
13) not complain about the excessive levels of mercury in my house because of the compact fluorescent light bulbs that I dropped
14) spend $2500 to have a more efficient washer and dryer that will save me over $65 a year in electricity
15) buy a manual push mower instead of using my self-propelled gas-powered lawn mower. Yes, it will take me 3 hours to mow my lawn, but if Al Gore gives me a carbon credit it would totally be worth it.
16) Hang out my stained underwear to dry outside rather than using the dryer
17) stop using plastic water bottles and start carrying around my water in my cupped hands
18) turn off my computer at work - I'm not really working anyway!
19) take a shorter shower
20) install a low-flow shower head, which would require me to take a longer shower to get the soap off, but I can go to work soapy, especially if it saves a polar bear.

You too can save the planet and stop global warming. The dinosaurs were able to stop the global warming that they created with all their dang dinosaur trucks and dinosaur factories. If they can do it, so can you!!!

Monday, April 21, 2008

New Ford F-250 - ughhh

I was a big car enthusiast in my younger days. For better or worse, I discovered girls.
Anyway, I have always been a critic of American car manufacturers. I want to buy American and I want to support the workers at the American car companies. However, sometimes I really have to wonder.

Here is an example of "What are you doing?" The Ford F-Series has been the best selling vehicle in the world for about 30+ years. But the grill/headlight combo on the 2008 F-250 has me wondering if the designer is on crack. Who the hell would buy this? Is Ford really trying to go out of business?

While I was car shopping after my Chevy S-10 Blazer was destroyed in a near head-on collision by some dumb woman not paying attention to the road, I test drove nearly a dozen vehicles. The list of vehicles includes:

Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo
Chevy Trailblazer
Chevy Equinox
Chevy Malibu
Ford Explorer
Ford Edge
Toyota 4Runner
Toyota Highlander
Honda Pilot

I was so disappointed with the Chevy and Ford. I couldn't believe it. The Equinox is the equivelant to a padded trashcan. The Explorer had ergonomics that would have satisfied an 8-armed alien octopus, but not a 5'4" guy. And you want power and braking? Yeah, the Explorer will think about it and get back to you.

I was impressed with the Malibu. The design of the new car is hot. It drove hot. It handled hot. It was hot. Unfortunately, Chevy knows it's hot and wasn't willing to negotiate the price. And after talking to people, I came to the conclusion that buying an SUV was the best thing for the moment. With gas prices the way they are, NO ONE is buying trucks. But since I have 3 kids who have friends and we go on vacation and sto sporting events, a truck is way more practical than a 7 squre foot Prius that runs on butterfly shit.

The 4Runner was great, however, like on the Malibu, Toyota was also not negotiating on price. The salesman even laughed at me when I asked about incentives.

I eventually bought a Honda Pilot. It's practical. It rides nicely. It has decent power. I miss the 5-speed of my Mercury Mystique and the truck sound of my Blazer, but the Pilot will do.

It's a sad state of affairs for Ford. They have lost their way and I'm not sure what it will take to wake up and realize what Americans want. We don't want ugly cars, first and foremost. And with gas prices at $3.50 per gallon, it'd be nice if they could produce a compact car that didn't look like some poor college kid with bad credit owns it. Why can't they make nice small cars? They don't get it!

Name the Baby Elephant

The contest to name the baby elepant at the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore (more commonly known as the Baltimore Zoo), will be coming to a conclusion soon. The winner will be announced on Satuday April 26th.



The final names are:
1) Chewie
2) Crush
3) Duke
4) Samson
5) Zeus


Now, the problem with these names is that none have anything to do with Baltimore or Maryland. I think the name of the elephant should have something to do with our great city or state. I have come up with my own list of potential names that you can vote on.

1) Drive-by Shooting (we could call him DBS for short)
2) GSW (short for gun shot wound)
3) Structural Deficit
4) Stop Snitchin'
5) Undeterred Street Thug
6) School Teacher Beater
7) Slots
8) Computer Tax
9) Speed Camera
10) Overzealous Liberal


Tell me what you think!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Just Read...

I blog about the movies I watch (see http://www.fromzekescouch.blogspot.com/). I thought today that I should blog about the books that I read.

I just finished reading Italy and Its Invaders today. I was in between books. I wanted to read the new book by Joseph Ellis, American Creation. I got it out of the library, but before I finished An Inconvenient Book by Glenn Beck (which is hysterical!), American Creation was due and couldn't be renewed because it's a new release.

And since my Playboy subscription ran out when the kids were born, I had to find something else to read. (Note: yes, the articles in Playboy are good and the cartoons are funny, but let's be honest, they're not as good as the pictures. My wife's not stupid.)

I browsed through the history section and decided to read something different. I picked up this seemingly short book by Girolamo Arnaldi. I thought to myself, 'I don't know much about Italy. Why not?'

This book was not an easy read. It contains so much unfamiliar information that I just couldn't read it like I would normally read a book.

I did know that Italy was not a country until the late 19th century. Prior to that it was a collection of city states and regions. And apparently it was invaded a lot, which explains the title of the book.

And what's up with all those Popes? Innocent. Boniface. Clement. Urban. Obviously integral to the history of Italy (for those of you that went to Baltimore City public schools and were busy beating up your art teacher - Vatican City is in Rome and that's where the Pope usually lives.)

Overall, this book is chocked full of information. I'm not sure that I could regurgitate much of it. I could pull out some names and cities and battles. However, this book is probably better as a reference. And it was written as if the audience was Italian. There are many references to "our country". What? The U.S.?

I'm happy to be done the book. It was 203 pages long and it took me 3 weeks to read it - well below my average reading rate. I have American Creation at home and plan to begin reading it tonight.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Which Softball Coaches Suck?

Every parent wants their child to succeed. I'm not any different. When my daughter expressed an interest in playing softball, I jumped all over the chance to be an assistant coach. After all, my son has no interest in baseball and after playing for 10 years, I really miss it.

She got selected to play on a team coached by a parent who actually lives in our neighborhood. He actually played baseball in college, so he has a bit more experience than I do. The team is 3rd and 4th graders, so my daughter is on the younger side. And since a lot of parents hold their children back so that they can be the best in their class, we do have some 10 year olds on the team.

We played 2 scrimmages so far and we played fairly well. The scores were similar and the talent was even.

Yesterday, however, we played a different team. Half way through the first inning they were killing us already. I turned to our head coach and said, "That team is pretty good."

"Pretty good?" he says. "That team is stacked! And you want to know why? Their head coach is the commissioner of the league." And he wasn't kidding. Their worst player was as good as our best 3 players.

What the hell kind of crap is this? Why do parents so blatantly abuse their power? Oh yeah - because they can. And it wasn't even like she picked the best few players in the league. She picked ALL the best players in the league.

These 9 year olds were turning double plays and suicide squeezes. We're just happy when we hit a ground ball.

Another mistake - I was asked to be the umpire for our team and I called a generous strike zone. Why? Because they're 8 and 9. I don't want to be there all day waiting for them to hit it.

The other umpire for their team? Strike zone as tight as Martin O'Malley's clenched fist after he got the massive tax package, the largest in the state's history, passed through the General Assembly. Our pitchers were walking 10 batters in a row. Apparently it was only a strike if the player swung the bat at the ball.

What a bunch of F-in douchbags. I already hate softball and I'm sure the girls on our team feel the same way. So, if you're a parent of a child and the commissioner of your child's sports league - then you're a jerk and you know it!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Meet Ron Paul

On Monday, April 14th, I had the opportunity to attend a speech at Goucher College in Towson, Maryland given by Presidential candidate Ron Paul. Every Presidential quiz that I've taken says that I need to vote for Ron Paul because he most accurately reflects my views. And so I did. And now I actually had the opportunity to meet the person I voted for.

Unfortunately, we were not allowed to take photographs in the auditorium. So here are the photographs that I took in the auditorium.

This one shows the enthusiastic crowd as he entered the stage (click on each image to see a larger image).

















Ron Paul, or Dr. Ron Paul as he should be called (he received his medical degree from Duke Medical School) has practiced as an OB/GYN for many years. His speech was much of what you would expect from a Libertarian Republican - get the government the hell out of our lives! Bring the troops home. Close some of those bases around the globe (we have over 700). He was well received, not to mention funny. He said that he has 18 grandchildren as is proud of the fact that he knows all of their names. He then introduced his wife and said she even knows their birthdays.

After a 45 minutes speech, he sat down with the President of Goucher College for a Q&A session from the Goucher students (it's only fair, we were told, since they are the ones that invited him and they are the ones paying tuition).

Here is a photo from the Q&A session:
















Some of the questions the students asked were quite delightful. Especially considering their naïveté and idealistic opinions. One girl asked if he could expand on his opinion about No Child Left Behind (NCLB). He replied, "What more do you want me to say other than I'm against it?"

Another young minion pointed out that he was speaking at a predominantly female college whose students are overwhelmingly pro-choice (pro-abortion) and wondered how he could consciously come and say that he's pro-life. He responded something to the effect of: 'What do you want me to say? Thats how I feel.' If someone has an opinion about the development of an unborn child, it would be an OB/GYN who would have the most credibility.

Finally, someone asked him who he thought was really going to win the election. His response? Barrack Obama.

After the Q&A, Ron Paul did a book signing for his new book, The Revolution A Manifesto. As the crowd wound its way out of the auditorium, it became apparent that the college staff was overwhelmed with the task of forming a 40 foot line for 1000 people. We were told to go downstairs and form a line that would wind upstairs.

























When we snaked our way back to the stairs, people were on both sides of the stairs with a line going up on the left and down on the right. People immediately began hollering that we were butting in line. The lady in front of me informed them that the staff instructed us to go through the auditorium through the basement back to the stairs. That's when one little princess fluffed out her feathers and stuck out her glittered speckled chin and declared with utmost confidence, "Well, they lied to you!!!"

After about 10 minutes, the grovelers were still groveling. I then said out loud, "You know, this line is actually a circle. Once you go upstairs, it snakes back downstairs." Finally, some people who didn't give a shit actually let us in the line and we eventually made our way upstairs to get our book signed.

Near 9:30 I got to Ron Paul, shook his hand and he signed my book.

















Monday, April 14, 2008

Ron Paul who?

So I have 2 tickets to the Ron Paul speech tonight at Goucher College. Even though he knows nothing about politics, I asked my brother-in-law if he'd be interested in going with me to Goucher College to see Ron Paul. There was a moment of silence. Then he asked, "Why would you want to go see a speech by that gay cross-dressing black guy?"

A moment of silence on my end. "OHHHH, no this isn't Rupaul, this is RON Paul."

So, as a disclaimer, there is no relation between Rupaul and Ron Paul (at least none that I am aware of).

BRAC - It's Not For You!

The buzz in New Jersey is that if families relocate to Harford County for the Base Realignment And Closure (BRAC), they will be greeted by rocket fuel-tainted milk and the KKK. This misinformation is suspected of being sent by disgruntled workers in New Jersey.

What first struck me as funny is that if you are from New Jersey, you are probably used to the smell of petroleum-tainted everything. A drive through NJ's two suburbs (New York and Philadelphia) will introduce you to a potpourri of chemical fumes. So, rocket fuel-tainted milk, though not true, should not be viewed by them as such a horrible thing.

I will have to admit, however, then when I lived in Harford County (1986-1992 & 1995-1999), I did occasionally drive by the county courthouse in Bel Air and view a few Klan rallies. So to deny that the KKK is non-existent in Harford County is just not true.

If these New Jersians/New Jersites(???) really want to discourage people from coming to Maryland, they need to tell their coworkers more about our Governor and the state legislature. Though Maryland's state sales tax is lower (6% for Maryland vs. 7% for New Jersey), our politicians love to tax rich people and they are vocal about it.

And who do you think will be moving to Maryland? The lower middle-class broom pushers? Of course not. It's mostly scientists and higher level administrators. These people make decent money. And the Maryland politicians are eagerly waiting to tax them.

And a special note to those politicians in Aberdeen and Baltimore City that want to be a part of BRAC and the money that they will bring - they will not be living in your areas. They want to live in nice areas. They want to live where there is little or no crime. They want to live with people who are like themselves. They do not want to live in cross-fire zones between MS-13, Crips, and Bloods, nor do they want to live in Baltimore City where they will get assaulted by 15 year old middle school students.

Anyway, the writers of the first letter say they plan to release another letter about why people would want to live in Maryland. I think we all look forward to this. Will it be sarcastic (yet true) or will it be true?

Frank DeFilipo Makes A Joke

And it's very funny. A friend of mine at work sent this to me:

A biker is riding by the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his hog, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him profusely.

A New York Times reporter has seen the whole scene and,addressing the biker, says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."

"Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."

"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this on the front page. What motorcycle do you ride and what political affiliation do you have?"

"A Harley Davidson, and I am a Republican."

The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads on the front page:

"REPUBLICAN BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH"

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

5000th Hit!!!

Congratulations to 71.72.178 from Sidney, Ohio. You were my 5000th visitor. Your search for "amy roloff on sabrina the teenage witch" drew you to my site, though I have no idea why. I don't even know who Amy Roloff is, so I'm pretty sure that I've never blogged about her.

Anyway - Horray!!!

Ron Paul Coming to Goucher College

I got my tickets to see Ron Paul at Goucher College on Monday, April 14th at 7:30 pm. I'm very excited. I know he will not be President, but he's the only candidate that accurately reflects my views and I believe the only candidate that is being honest with the public.

The only President/Presidential candidate that I've ever seen in Bill Clinton. Hoop-dee-doo. And it's not that I wanted to see him. I was going to a wedding and we had to wait 45 minutes to get into the country club for the reception because Mr. Prez was teeing off on the golf course and they were afraid that we would throw a bridal bouquet bomb at him.
I wonder if I'll be allowed to bring a camera.

Woes at the Maryland Zoo

The Maryland Zoo, often referred to by white suburbanites as the Zoo in the Hood, is in danger of losing is accreditation. What does this mean? This means that if the zoo loses its accreditation, the 10 animals that the zoo has will be removed and sent to other zoos.

The funny thing is that local politicians and zoo officials act surprised. Hello! This zoo is in one of the worst areas of the city, which can be misleading, because the entire city is the worst area of the city.

The zoo is less than a mile from Mondawmin Mall. Ever been to Mondawmin Mall? Me neither. There are no real stores there. Why? You will get robbed there. And the stores are getting robbed. I think that it's so bad that the robbers even get robbed. If you're lucky, you won't get killed. Why would you visit an area like this?

Anyway, in the zoo, which is comprised of 90 degree hills that were paved in the 1930's that circle around buildings that were built in the 1890's and last painted in the 1940's. The most exciting animals are the giraffes. The zoo hypes up the elephants, but they put you on a platform about 10 stories about the elephants, so you cannot really get a good look at them. "Oh, yeah, look at that elephant a quarter mile away!"

Want to eat at the zoo? Then sit down on one of the 5 picnic tables that they provide. Your choice of food is stale pizza and tasteless hamburgers.

An article in The Sun said that the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore attracts about 1500 people per day. The Denver Zoo, on the other hand, attracts about 13,000 people per day. In 2007, the Denver Zoo had 1.7 million visitors. The Maryland Zoo in the Hood of Crime-Laden Baltimore City attracted about 300,000.

Now the zoo has a contest to name the new baby elephant. I think it would be appropriate to name the elephant Denver, because odds are he will not grow up in Baltimore. His imminent departure will be another example of what is wrong with Baltimore.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Bookkeeper Could Get The Slammer

On April 2, Angela E. Hiltz, a Mount Airy resident, pleaded guilty to embezzling more than $185,000, including $23,000 from a PTA for a school in Howard County, a Cub Scout pack in Howard County, and Haussler and Associates, an accounting services firm, also in Howard County.

Mrs. Hiltz expects to be sentenced on May 29th and faces 30 years in prison.

Compare that to Eric Price, Arthur Jeter, Wilburt Martin, and Trayvon Ramos. These are the Baltimore City street thugs that curb-stomped Zachary Sowers into a coma, eventually leading to his death. Price, Jeter, and Martin were charged with robbery and given cookies and milk and a couple of soft pillows by Sheila Dixon's office. They expect to serve 8 years in prison. Ramos pleaded guilty to robbery and attempted murder (not murder!), and received juice and candy from Patricia Jessemy's office and will serve 40 years in prison.

How is it that a woman who steals petty cash gets 30 years, yet 4 street thugs get light sentences after they kill someone? Perhaps if Mrs. Hiltz curb-stomped Howard County Executive Ken Ulman, she would have received a lighter sentence.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Big McAfee Attack

Starting on Monday my computer starting acting really weird. I have several user accounts on my computer - 1 for each of my kids, my wife, myself, and an ADMIN account. Each has different settings, e.g. Parental Controls, downloading abilities, etc...

On Monday, I was continuing some research on, ahh....the evolution of themes in adult content on the Internet. Interestingly, as I did my continuing research, I found that certain images were replaced with the McAfee logo. I had not changed my settings. However, I do have McAfee set to update automatically.

I did some investigation on the Internet and did find that a profile setting was applied that defaulted to all users being considered a "young child". Other options were older child, preteen, young teenager, older teenage, and adult. Of course, it was necessary for me to reset my profile to adult so that I could conduct proper research.

Let's Go Phishing

It seems that you can have all the filters in the world on your email you still get crap in your Inbox. I get this email every couple of days. When I click on the CitiBusiness Online Form, it wants me to enter my ss#, bank account numbers, and the bank account numbers of 10 of my closest friends. This is considered "regular account maintenance". Then when I submit the form, I can make a wish and all my dreams will come true. Well, it doesn't quite say that, but you have to be an idiot to think this is valid.

TO: Gullible Citibank Customers
FROM : customer_service.id778958-3586CBF@citibank.com
Subject: Important account notice from CitiBusiness (Thu, 03 Apr 2008 02:45:42 -0600)

Dear CitiBusiness customer,

We would like to inform you that we are currently carrying out scheduled maintenance.In order to guarantee the high level of security to our business customers, we require you to complete “CitiBusiness Online Form”.Please complete CitiBusiness Online Form using the link below:
CitiBusiness Online Form
This is auto-generated email, please do not respond to this email.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Should Bush Boycott Olympic Ceremonies?

I can't believe that I actually agree with Nancy Pelosi, but she recently said that G.W. Bush should boycott the opening ceremonies to the Olympics in ruthless communist China.

I have to say that the Chinese are actually very smart. Right now they are rounding up and arresting (and probably executing) millions of political dissidents, especially in Tibet. This will minimize the impact that these freedom seekers will have during the Olympics.

Think about it - a dead protester is not as effective as a live one standing in front of a tank that's being shown live around the world.

I'll be interested to see what Bush and the rest of the world leaders do. Do we support the communist government and their actions against their people or do we symbolically stand up for those people by not being there for the ceremonies?
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