Steve Larson - appointed as PSC Commissioner - former insurance guy, has no experience in energy regulation
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Steve Larson - appointed as PSC Commissioner - former insurance guy, has no experience in energy regulation
Monday, June 25, 2007
So the illustrious Rev Jackson asks the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Al. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a stern voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaim Jackson and Sharpton, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Donating blood doesn't take that long. I don't think it's ever taken me more than 15 minutes. Usually it's closer to 10 minutes. One time I tried to see how fast I could fill the bag, but the next day I was greeted with a huge bruise that ran the length of my arm.
So why does it take 15 minutes to donate the blood, but an hour and a half for the whole process? It's all about the screening process. The Red Cross wants to know all about your sexual escapades. Have you ever been to Cameroon? Have you ever shared needles with a prostitute? Have you ever had sex with a man since 1977 (thank goodness the cutoff was 1977!!!)? Have you ever had oral sex with a monkey. And the list goes on and on.
The question that got me to thinking, however, is 'have you ever been to prison, even once?'. By my calculations, that would eliminate 95% of the population of Baltimore City from being eligible blood donors. However, would this include the 35,000 arrests that did not result in convictions? Would you be ineligible to donate blood if you're from Baltimore City and you've been arrested for a nuisance crime - spitting, jaywalking, talking too loud, voting Republican? I would almost think that this would not be fair. What do you think?
Fortunately for the woman, she is okay and Bawlmer City police were able to make 2 arrests in connection with the crime.
The hard-left wing liberal extremist, socialist flag-waving Spiegel read the news straight off of www.wbal.com, and it sounded as if Mickey realized his buffoon reaction and tried to silence himself, which for him is an impossible task, much to our detriment. Though few can understand his pontifications through his uneducated Dundalk draw, every now and then you can gather a word or a phrase about how awesome he is. Last week he mentioned that he's so awesome because the other stations suck because he said so. Who can argue with that logic? Who would want to? That'd be like me arguing with the neighbor's dog.
For kicks, go to the crime database and check out the Cucchiella families' court history. http://casesearch.courts.state.md.us/inquiry/processDisclaimer.jis You can check out all of your friends and neighbors. Loads of fun! Whoo-hoo!
While the police were chasing down these purse-snatchers, 6 people were murdered in the Baltimore area over the past 24 hours, but Sheila Dixon has a plan, which included the ever successful method of "working closer with the community". I think the best plan Sheila can have to reduce crime in Baltimore is to plan to lose the mayoral election.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
On Friday, the host of The Price is Right for 35 years has announced that he endorses Rosie O'Donnell to succeed him. This also clearly indicates that his vision is totally gone, too.
Rosie O'Donnell, the fat obnoxious liberal extremist who got her ass kicked by Elisabeth Hasselbeck, was recently fired from The View when she implied that American soldiers are terrorists. As stated previously, Rosie has never denied that she is funding Al-Quaeda efforts in the United States. Purportedly, many of her neighbors have also stated that she has parties every time she learns that additional soldiers were killed in Iraq.
There have even been rumors that this Joseph Stalin-lovin lesbian has a massive gun collection, despite her repeated rants that the only people that should own guns are criminals. Though I'm not sure that she has ever been convicted of a crime, she may secretly be an outlaw and fits into her own category as a legit gun owner.
The logistics of Rosie taking over the show are being discussed. Currently, the stage is set 3 feet off of the ground. However, if Rosie takes over the show, the stage will have to be reinforced with 2 ft wide reinforced steel I-beams on concrete footers. The sound system, obviously, would need to be muted.
Also, the number of seats in the audience would naturally be reduced. There are only a limited number of brain-washed left-wing lunatic stay-at-home mothers that would take time away from taking Timmy to his play date so that she be a contested who could 'Come on down!'.
There are also rumors that instead of the Showcase Showdown, she would replace this segment with an open forum (open meaning you sit and listen and she speaks) where she attacks Christians, men, heterosexuals, and Republicans. Additionally, she will praise and pontificate the benefits of obesity, bestiality, mental illness, liberal totalitarian systems of government, and gay marriage.
Hopefully, the brass at CBS will dismiss these rumors and replace Mr. Barker with the best new host possible. Though Todd Newton and Mark Steines are leading candidates as the new host, all of unemployed America (including college students) want Mario Lopez. Mr. Lopez is beloved by all Americans who grew up on Saved By The Bell. However, to seal the deal, Mr. Lopez should officially change his real name to A.C. Slater.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
It's been reported that CIA Director Michael Hayden and FBI Directory Robert Mueller each have 9,000 copies of the movie stashed in their basement trying to prevent it from distribution. Netflix allowed them to use multiple email addresses to create all of these accounts. President Bush has even declared that this movie is worse than nucular disaster.
Editorial Projects in Education Inc., the foremost authority on educational issues in America and publisher of Education Week magazine, has released a new study outlining graduation rates across America.
The study evaluates states and the largest cities of the country and ranks them. They study uses precise calculations based off of the Cumulative Promotion Index. The calculation, in a nutshell, measures the number of 9th graders that receive their diploma 4 years later.
This study revealed that Baltimore has the 3rd lowest graduation rate among large cities. Detroit, known for members of the Pistons with criminal records and unemployment rates of +70% among black males, leads the list with a 24.9% graduation rate.
Cleveland, which rocks, is second with a 34.1% graduation rate. One would immediately wonder if 39 year-old LeBron James classified as graduating on time. During his senior year, he was the only high school basketball player in the country who drove a Hummer to have a grey beard. His grandchildren make fun of him all the time.
Finally, Baltimore came in third. This would be wonderful if we were talking about the Orioles and the American League East. Unfortunately, we are talking about the third worst high school graduation rate in American. Baltimore's graduation rate, according to Education Week, is 34.6%.
My thoughts immediately turn to Martin O'Malley's website which claims that the graduation rate is, in fact, 61%. There clearly must be a mistake! Honest Marty wouldn't lie to us, would he? Other than all the other lies, this one is hard to believe.
The difference between the Teflon Leprechaun's official campaign website and the educational research shows a difference of 26.4%, in whole terms. Or, mathematically, O'Malley's claim is 77% higher than the actual rate. For those of you who went to public schools (especially the ones in Baltimore City), 34.6% x 1.77 = 61%. I know that's a complicated formula, with the multiplying and equaling involved, but trust me on this.
If O'Malley's figures were correct, Baltimore would be slightly behind Charlotte, NC, where household income soars above Baltimore, crime is far below Baltimore, and the left-wing liberal extremists are few and employed at Whole Foods.
Who's right? You know who's right. But it doesn't matter. Maryland prefers flowery pretty liberals in office rather than those who are able to rule successfully. When does that bus leave for Charlotte?
Monday, June 04, 2007
Friday, June 01, 2007
However, who's going to suck next season?
Winthrop - okay, other than the people that know Rock Hill, SC, no one really cares. But to true basketball enthusiasts and Winthrop alumni, we all know that last season's #22 Winthrop is going to suck next year. Not only did coach Gregg Marshall leave for Wichita State, the school also graduated Craig Bradshaw, Torrell Martin, and Phillip Williams. And let's not forget to mention the off-season death of De'Andre Adams. That'll bring you down every time.
Kentucky - next to Duke, Kentucky has to be the greediest college basketball team in the country. The difference between the two schools is people love to hate Duke and Duke has won a championship within the past 10 years. Which is exactly why Kentucky fired coach Tubby Smith. Sure, he's run one of the most successful basketball programs in the country over the past 10 seasons. But the problem is he hasn't won a national championship. And Kentucky has never gone this long without winning one.
Come one, Kentucky was 22-12 last year. Most colleges would call this a great year. Now new head coach Billy Gillispie, the former coach of the successful Texas A&M team, will need to find a way to win a title. I predict Kentucky will give him 3 years, then fire him for sucking.
Florida - Florida? Haven't they won the last 2 national titles? Sure. But the team just got gutted. The Orlando Magic just announced that they have signed Billy Donovan to a contract for $20-some million. And many players, including Corey Brewer, Taurean Green, Al Horford, Joakim Noah, Lee Humphrey, Chris Richard, and Brett Swanson are all leaving. If memory serves me correct, basketball teams only have about 14 players, so they lost half of the team. Yeah, they're going to suck and you know it.
MD Eastern Shore - Okay, this is a no-brainer. They always suck. They always have. I don't think UMES has ever won 10 games in a season. But can you hold it against them? They play in the powerful MEAC against such thugs as Bethune-Cookman, Norfolk State, and N.C. A & T.
My prediction for the biggest turnaround next season in Iona. I predict they will get 5 wins, 150% more than they had last year. Go Gaels!!!