2007 Predictions

Baltimore Mayor

The office of Mayor is up for election in 2007. The totally corrupt and incompetent Sheila Dixon currently holds the position by default. She's the President of the City Council. She will be handily defeated by Keiffer Mitchell Jr, who was just demoted by Stephanie Rawlings Blake in a move to make him look bad. However, Sheila Dixon looks so bad that it won't make a difference. It didn't help that she tried copying a deputy mayor in Spain, María Dolores Jim©nez, who posed nude for a publicity stunt. Fortunately for JimÃnez, she's a bomb shell.

Governor After being crowned Sir King Martin O'Malley, his royal hieny (Sade Bederinwa was not seen at the inauguration), will declare that he will not raise taxes, but he will increases spending. He will spend more money on school construction and in education because the Governor of Maryland should start caring about the children again.

O'Malley will claim to fully fund Thorton (he took full advantage of criticizing Ehrlich for not fully funding it), though he has already promised not to fully fund it. This flip flopping causes every single intelligent person to start calling O'Malley a flip-flopper. This offends the Democrats and especially John Kerry, since he laid claim to the title during the 2004 Presidential Election. O'Malley will then raise fees and property taxes, which don't count as taxes, except when you're criticizing Ehrlich for doing that same thing.

Presidential Race Since Oprah has already claimed that Barack Obama already won the Presidential race of 2008, he will have to be on every single news program every day. He is pissed off, however, than he cannot smoke in the Capitol anymore. Hush! Can't let the libs find out that there's a smoker among their ranks! However, there is no word that he is upset that he can no longer dabble in a little blow, a claim he made in his 1995 memoir, "Dreams of My Father", who, coincidentally, was named Hussein.

SPORTS

The Orioles
The Orioles were busier than usual this off-season. They actually signed a free agent, Aubry Huff. This should solidify the Oriole's goal of coming in 4th place for the 9th (?) consecutive time. They did win an award recently - the worst team in MLB.

Maryland Terps
I predict the Terps will win the NCAA Tournament. Too bad I'm talking about the ladies. They look good. The men will make it to the tournament, but will bow out in the second round losing to someone like Marquette.

Ravens
The Ravens will again make it to the playoffs, but will lose to the Colts. Peyton Manning will continue to be celebrated as the greatest quarterback of our time, though he'll never have a Super Bowl ring to support targumentent. Meanwhile, Tom Brady, perhaps the second or third best quarterback in the AFC East, will eventually retire with a Super Bowl ring on each fingers saying, "Whatever."

Hockey
There will be no hockey in Maryland in 2007. This prediction has held true since the Bandits left Baltimore in 1997.

NBA
Intelligent people don't like the NBA, and since you're reading this, you must be intelligent, so I need not make any mention here.

INTERNATIONAL

Fidel Castro will not die, but he will be buried in April. Throngs of sobbing Cubans, including Cindy Sheehan, who now celebrates the political achievements of Cuba, will be seen crowding the streets mourning for the man who took all of their possessions, their wealth, and their ability to travel abroad. Meanwhile, the streets of Miami will be filled with throngs of celebrating people, cheering and looting.

ECONOMICS
The economy will continue to thrive across the nation as George Bush is hounded by the media for being unable to stimulate a stagnant economy, shunted by the war in Iraq.

Locally, Baltimore will celebrate when another store decides to open in the city creating 11 more jobs. However, the first 15 employees at the store will either be shot or robbed during their first week on the job, causing the establishment to close.